Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing.
– Oscar Wilde
When we were young life was simpler, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is simple. The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get the harder we make things for ourselves.
You see, when we were young we saw the world through honest, hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas. We liked people who smiled. We avoided people who were mean. We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and fell down. This happened several times. Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.
As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our pain and fill our voids. We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home. We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. When it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, used lies to cover up lies, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better for a moment.
And over the course of time, we made our lives harder and harder, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we truly need in life.
If you can relate at all right now, here are some incredibly common daily habits that complicate our lives, and some ideas on simplifying things:
1. We look to everyone else for answers.
For much of our adult lives we get told what do, how to think, what looks good, what “success” is, how happiness should feel, etc. The people telling us these things are literally everywhere — on the TV, YouTube, TikTok, etc. But you don’t have to buy into all of it anymore. Feel free to peel back the layers of your own life. Think for yourself. Listen to your Self. Break the mold. Silence the push notifications. When you stop doing what everybody else wants you to do and start following your own intuition, you will gradually find more what you’re truly looking for in life.
2. We let others make us feel guilty for living our lives.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, keep living your life YOUR way. Sometimes we get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them. Take a moment and think through it. Are you doing things because you truly believe in them? Are your actions making progress in YOUR life too? Just make sure to respect your own daily needs and goals. Live, do, and love so that you are happy too, because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.
3. We allow toxic people to get the best of us.
You don’t ever have to feel guilty about enforcing boundaries with the toxic people in your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, colleague, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don’t have to make room for people who always cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.
4. We get caught up in the drama circle.
How would your life be different if you walked away from drama, gossip, and verbal defamation? Let today be the day you speak only about the good you know of other people, and encourage others to do the same. Those that refuse to support you CAN be ignored by you. It’s as simple as that. Incredible things happen when you distance yourself from negativity and those who create it. Don’t get caught up in drama. Just walk on by.
5. We immediately assign negative intent to other people’s actions.
Another driver cuts you off in traffic. Your friend never texted you back. Your colleague went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a daily basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned negative intent to these otherwise innocent actions. You took it as a personal insult — a slap in the face. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t take things so personally. Don’t immediately assign negative intent to the unintentional actions of others. Let today be the day you look for the good in everyone you encounter.
6. We get worried that people will steal what we have.
Let this be your wake-up call, especially if you’re an artist, writer, entrepreneur or creative type. There is always more to be gained from sharing ideas and knowledge than from hoarding it all. Don’t worry about people stealing your work — worry about the moment they stop. Be honest, helpful, creative, and undeniably good at what you do. No clever marketing scheme, social media buzzword, or competitor can be a substitute for that, ever. Whenever people want what you have, regardless of the circumstances, you’re doing it right.
7. We’re always trying to compete with everyone else.
If you compete with everyone else, you will become bitter. If you compete with a previous version of yourself, you will become better. It’s as simple as that on the average day.
8. We take, take, take way too often.
One good way to deal with daily stress is to immerse yourself in doing good for others. Volunteer. Get involved in your community. It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured event. Say a kind word. Encourage someone nearby. Pay a quick visit to someone who’s alone. Get away from your self-preoccupation for a few moments. When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world, givers and takers. Givers are helping make the world a better place to live. Takers are still unhappily wondering what’s in it for them.
9. We focus on popularity over effectiveness.
Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end. Do things and build things in your life that make a lasting difference. And above all, never confuse popularity with effectiveness. Being popular means you’re liked for a while. Being effective means you’ve made a difference.
10. We keep cutting corners and taking the easy way out.
Do what is right, not what is easy. And do the right thing even if no one else will ever know. Why? Because YOU will know.
11. We focus on every point in time other than now.
You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. Remind yourself to be present. Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
12. We’re stuck on our mistakes.
We need to learn from our errors and move forward. Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past mishaps. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you learn from it. A happy, successful life, after all, is rarely a life absent of problems, but one that’s been able to rise above them. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
13. We default to an “all or nothing” mentality.
There’s no such thing as perfect success, just as there’s no such thing as perfect failure. This is why labeling things in extremes — all or nothing — is an exercise in futility. What does exist is a continuous series of imperfect moments filled with infinite possibilities and opportunities to explore. Appreciate the grey area between the extremes — the journey — the messy but interesting experiences along the way. And above all, never let success get to your head or failure get to your heart.
14. We expect everything to be happy and easygoing.
The world can be a difficult place. You will inevitably experience suffering, heartbreak, and loss. These circumstances can take a toll on your happiness, but do not lose hope. Think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected. In suffering, you can find great strength, in heartbreak you can find resilience, and in loss you can find a renewed appreciation for life. Life is always Yin and Yang. Opposites are interdependent and interconnected. You can’t completely shield yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness.
15. We think of worst-case scenarios.
Sometimes your mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even likely. Your sore throat is life threatening. Your lost driver’s license fell directly into the hands of a thief looking to steal your identity. Negativity like this only breeds more negativity. It’s a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore, and if you don’t swim away it will pull you under. So check yourself.
16. We let loss devour us.
Sometimes you have to work hard at rebuilding your happiness. Some hurdles in life are too difficult to clear simply by adopting a positive mindset. Do you need to let go of a failed relationship or opportunity? Do you need to grieve and come to terms with the death of a loved one? Life is full of different kinds of loss. Each loss is an ending, which is a necessary part of living. And endings are necessary for beauty too — otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited. Limits illuminate beauty, and big losses are the definitive limit — a reminder that you need to be aware of this beautiful person or situation, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. If you’re struggling to see the light, you’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to them. Reach out for support. Don’t let loss devour you. (Read “Second Firsts”.)
17. We side-step the truth.
The truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored. You cannot find peace by avoiding things. You have to feel it to heal it. Bring your fears and weaknesses front and center and shine a blazing spotlight on them. Illuminate things so you can see a path forward. Because the only way out is through.
18. We procrastinate on making decisions.
Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all. Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach us to yield better ones. In the end, we most often regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to nurture, and the decisions we waited way too long to make.
An Exercise for Building Better Daily Habits
If you feel like one or more of the points above has been making your life harder recently, this actionable closing exercise is for YOU.
Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
- Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
- Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind today for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to simplify some of the needless complexity in your life, and make today count!
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
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Photo by: Jenny Kaczorowski
