8. Practice compassion for difficult people
Compassion, in the course, is not about pretending harmful behavior is acceptable. It is about recognizing shared humanity, especially when someone is difficult.
“We’re a lot more similar than we are different,” Dobkins said.
Students practice considering whether they, too, have behaved in ways they criticize in others: being inconsiderate, judgmental, defensive or convinced they are right. That shift can soften blame and open the door to more productive conversations.
The 2023 paper notes that the course specifically focuses on what people often struggle with most: “how to be compassionate in difficult situations.”
9. Look for the unmet need behind conflict
When conflict erupts, Dobkins encourages students to ask: What need is not being met?
She compares it to a crying baby. Most people do not assume the baby is being manipulative or rude. They assume the baby needs something — food, sleep, comfort, a diaper change.
Adults are more complicated, but the principle often still applies.
“A lot of conflict comes from something that’s just — you haven’t expressed the need, or vocalized, or the other person hasn’t vocalized it,” Dobkins said.
Instead of blaming, students practice identifying the behavior, naming the feeling and making a request.
For example: “When you turned your back while I was speaking, I felt ignored. Would you be willing to face me when we’re talking?”
10. Take responsibility for your part — even if it is small
The final section of the course focuses on everyday conflict and apology. Dobkins is careful to distinguish this from trauma, which she says requires different kinds of support. But in ordinary conflicts, students are asked to consider how they may have contributed, even if their share feels small.
“Even if it’s just 2%, own that,” Dobkins said.
Often, she said, students realize their contribution was not speaking up. Not saying how they felt.
“They didn’t say anything,” Dobkins said. “They expected the other person to be a mind reader.”
Learning to apologize, take responsibility and communicate more clearly is part of the broader goal of the course: helping students become more conscious, resilient and connected human beings.
The point, Dobkins said, is not to replace therapy or clinical care. The program, which is funded by the Executive Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs and the Sanford Institute for Empathy and Compassion, is not designed to treat acute mental health concerns or trauma. It is designed to teach students skills they can use to manage everyday stress, conflict and self-criticism and societal pressures.
“Where else do you get a class on how to be a human?” Dobkins said.
For those interested in learning more about the course, visit Learning Sustainable Well-Being.
