Building resilience is very necessary practice in this world of ours. | Venti Views
‘This too shall pass’ is a good mantra for building resilience.
Building resilience is very necessary practice in this world of ours.
It can demand a lot, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. We are expected to put in the hard yards in work, be emotionally available and capable everywhere, and to be sure of our place in the world with a certainty bordering on religious fervour.
Being resilient is a demonstration of how capable we are. Resilient people aren’t born though, they’re made. Life’s vagaries throw obstacles in our path and we learn to overcome them, building resilience all the while. In Buddhism the obstacle isn’t on the path, it ‘is’ the path. Our path is revealed through our adversities and how we respond to them.
Resilient people are those who get that sometimes things just happen. They accept that life isn’t plain sailing. They don’t automatically feel put upon or singled out when adversity lands. There isn’t a cry of ‘why me’, just an acceptance of the options available and the determination to get through whatever happens.
‘This too shall pass’ is a good mantra for building resilience. In an age where perfection is touted as being attainable, we would do well to remember that good times can come and go just as easily as bad ones.
Resilient people see the pitfalls in life but don’t focus on the negative outcome, preferring instead to find the good, the positives. Even if the positive is just being thankful that the day is done or learning what never to do again!
Building resilience as a habit means asking what about your life is working, and what’s not. Once the right path is identified, doing the hard work of moving your life in the right direction and trusting the process is key.
There will be set backs, there will be doubts, and there will be disappointments. Keeping going, even if that means sidestepping or even taking a step back if that’s what’s needed, are how to make progress. Life is a dance, not a race.
You’ve got to move with it or you’ll most likely end up in a right mess. Resilience also has less to do with strength than it does with flexibility. In life’s storms being rigid and strong will eventually cause you to break, but being flexible and strong allows you to move with life, rather than trying to bend it to your will. Life is too big you’ll lose every time.
Another useful mantra is to tell yourself that whatever life has thrown so far you’ve negotiated, survived and have valuable experience to use for the next time life throws something your way. There’s a trick to resilience too, and that’s not to be too resilient.
I am guilty of being capable enough that I can do most things myself. This means that I find it difficult to ask for help. I’ve probably secretly thought of it as showing weakness or vulnerability.
I can be toweringly thick at times. I have needed help but muddled through. I’ve needed advice but was too proud to ask because it was an admission that I didn’t know.
I used to be an island, a self contained fortress of solitude. I did everything for myself.
I never rested because there was always something to do, that needed my attention and only I could do it.
There’s not only some stupidity in that, there’s also hubris and not a little conceit. It has taken running out of energy completely, physically, mentally and spiritually, for me to realise I couldn’t do everything.
It took even longer to realise we’re not supposed to. We’re supposed to cultivate resilience in tandem with dependence.
I take care of my stuff and I ask for help when I need it or accept help when it’s offered. I do the same for you.
That’s building resilience while acknowledging that life is too big an opponent to face alone. The resilience it takes to ask for help is the kind that prevents us from burning out early.
It’s yet another of life’s little ironies that in order to be resilient you have to cultivate the resilience of vulnerability. You have to know when your limit might not be sufficient to the task.
That kind of emotional maturity will help you survive with far more ease than stubborn pig-headedness. The language we use in relation to life’s adversities is important too.
Life is a challenge, not a fait accompli. There is nothing to be gained from giving up or running away. You can choose to meet the challenge or run from it but it tends to run faster and no one said you had to meet challenges alone.
Rather than saying ‘I can’t’ or I don’t know’ say ‘I don’t have an answer to the problem, yet, but I’ve asked for help and together we’ll get through it.’
Use your experience to forge patience and a strong will. Use your emotional intelligence to forge strong alliances.
Learn that some of the most resilient people on earth think of themselves as just meeting the demands of the day with the resources at their disposal. They’re clever enough to do it all with dignity, with openness and with trust that ‘this too shall pass’.
They know for certain that it passes more easily when you learn not to resist just because you are too stubborn to admit you aren’t a fortress after all.
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