There is a widespread belief that parenthood brings happiness. In one study, 97% of participants agreed that experiencing love and other positive emotions was among the advantages of being a parent, while 87% agreed that children gave meaning to life.
Analyses of data from large representative social surveys have often suggested that parenthood is indeed associated with happiness and life satisfaction. This makes sense given that having and raising children is the best way for a person to increase what evolutionary biologists term ‘reproductive fitness’—the currency of evolution by natural selection. Feelings of happiness and life satisfaction may motivate and reward us for having children and thereby passing our genes on to the next generation.
But a problem with some of the studies of parenthood and wellbeing is that they fail to account for a potentially confounding variable: relationship status.
In a recent research article, a large international team of psychologists led by Menelaos Apostelou of the University of Nicosia in Cyprus and Mads Larsen of the Norwegian University of Science and Technology observes that people are more likely to have children if they are currently in a romantic relationship. This may seem an obvious fact, but its implications have been overlooked. Because there is strong evidence that people in romantic relationships report greater emotional wellbeing and satisfaction with their lives compared to singletons, studies reporting a link between parenthood and happiness may be in error: parenthood may simply be a proxy for relationship status. Put another way, people may be happier not because they are parents but because they have a romantic partner.
Apostelou, Larsen, and colleagues analyzed data from a study of 5,500-plus people from 12 countries, including China, Greece, Peru, the United Kingdom, and Ukraine. Participants in the study answered questions about their happiness, life satisfaction, and emotions, as well as their parenthood and relationship status. The scientists analyzed their data, statistically controlling for the impact of relationship status.
Analyses showed that on almost every measure, parents and non-parents scored pretty much the same. Although parents did report higher levels of meaning in life than non-parents, the effect was small: parents and non-parents may differ, but only slightly.
The researchers conclude that parenthood is either neutral or has a tiny impact on happiness and life satisfaction. They also note that this appears to be inconsistent with the evolutionary hypothesis that we are adapted to feel happier and more satisfied with life if and when we have kids, so that we are encouraged to procreate.
A possible solution to this paradox, the researchers suggest, is that parenthood is associated with transient rather than long-lasting enhancements to wellbeing. When 90% of parents in a 2020 study endorsed the statement “Watching children grow up is life’s greatest joy,” they were sharing their true feelings, but were perhaps recalling happy moments rather than reporting a state of constant delight.
Apostelou, Larsen, and colleagues make the point that there may be an evolutionary benefit in parents’ positive emotions returning to baseline after spiking in response to baby’s first words or first steps. This would provide motivation to recapture those feelings when the more demanding aspects of parenthood—the sleepless nights, messy mealtimes, and financial costs—seem to predominate.
The researchers stress that their findings “are not adequate for fully informed decision-making regarding family planning”, but caution prospective parents that “if one anticipates sustained increases in happiness and positive emotions from having children, these expectations will likely not materialize.”
