Having a loved one struggling with depression can be a profound challenge.
Not only are depressed people often unwilling or unable to admit or discuss the depth of their struggle, but the symptoms themselves are incredibly painful to watch.
According to an article written by the Mayo Clinic, the symptoms of depression can vary from person to person, but they can include feelings of profound sadness (not just “a tough day,” but deep sadness about “a tough life”), frequent tearful episodes, and a pervasive sense of hopelessness or emptiness.
Depression can also include angry outbursts and unusual levels of irritability or frustration, even for minor things.
These can cause strain on marriages and can produce anxiety in children. Other symptoms include sleeplessness or sleeping too much, overwhelming tiredness, inability to focus, think, make decisions, or remember things, struggles with communicating, inexplicable physical problems, and a loss of interest or pleasure in things that usually bring joy.
Taken together, depression wreaks havoc on more than the depressed person. It can place heavy strain on the people who care about and live with them.
The encouraging thing to remember is that the family and loved ones do not have to wait until the depressed person is fully recovered to begin to thrive again as a family.
This article will discuss what loved ones can do now to ease the weight of the impact of depression on the family.
Show support
Let the depressed person know they don’t have to carry this alone.
One of the most debilitating elements of depression is the sense of isolation and disconnection from everything and everyone meaningful to a person, often with no explanation of why.
Consequently, the person suffering from depression can become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and denial.
This can make it difficult for their loved ones to know how to support their healing while staying strong themselves.
For those who love someone with depression, below are four things you can do to help lighten the load for everyone who’s being impacted.
1. Create an environment of calm and encouragement. Be available to listen to the depressed person when they want to talk, without pressuring them to share.
Be available to listen and talk with other family members who are struggling with the impact of the depression on their lives, too. Make it safe and normal to ask and share how people are doing.
2. Affirm their progress as they find the right treatment(s) and resources, and encourage them to keep going when they find what fits.
The road to recovery can be long and require a lot of work. Help them notice the small victories and changes.
The progress of a healing family is also worth affirming. Pay attention to how other family members are coping, recovering, and healing in and through the experience as well.
3. Simplify. Find ways to uncomplicate life – create predictable routines, schedules, meal times, etc. Cut down on the noise and stimuli they have to process. This will help everyone have more bandwidth for processing what is truly meaningful.
4. Make it easier for them to do what helps them thrive. Invite them on a walk. Include them on a family bike ride. Have a movie night featuring one of their favorite movies. And if they say “no,” it still allows the rest of the family to stay connected and make healthy decisions.
Encourage them to be active in their faith if faith has been a meaningful part of their life. Wherever possible, practice self-care together with them until they can do it alone. Self-care can be a family affair.
Everyone needs compassion and grace… be kind
The weight of watching someone suffering from depression can be demanding for everyone in the family. It’s important for family members and close friends to practice self-care to prevent depression and burnout in themselves, as they also have needs and the right to make room for their own health and wellness.
This includes admitting when they need help and encouragement, too. Thankfully, the routines and infrastructures they set in place to help the depressed person can also help themselves stay rested, healthy, and strong.
Most of all, everyone touched by depression can benefit by having patience with the process.
Don’t give up hope. There is no quick fix for depression, but over time, people can heal. While loving someone cannot “fix” depression, supporting and understanding them can go a long way in helping the depressed person persevere through the healing process.
Additional resources that may be helpful:
This article explains how to distinguish between sadness and depression.
This article provides 6 basic tips for loved ones of people with depression.
Sometimes depression can become so debilitating that the caregiver can also struggle with depression. This article is a resource for caregivers who may be struggling with depression.
About TLC
The Lincoln Center for Family and Youth (TLC) is a social enterprise company serving the Greater Philadelphia Area.
Among its five divisions, TLC offers School-based Staffing Solutions, Mobile Coaching and Counseling, and Heather’s Hope: A Center for Victims of Crime.
These major programs are united under TLC’s mission to promote positive choices and cultivate meaningful connections through education, counseling, coaching, and consulting.
About the Author
MaryJo Burchard (Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership) is co-founder and principal of Concord Solutions, a Virginia-based consultancy firm focused on helping leaders and organizations thrive while facing major disruption.
Concord Solutions offers consulting, coaching, training, research, and keynote speaking surrounding trauma-informed leadership and assessing and building change readiness, trust, and belonging.
Find helpful guidance and advice on a number of topics relating to family, education, and children from the blogs and podcasts posted at TLC under Media and Resources.
