ENJOYING JOMO WITHOUT LOSING CONNECTION
A main concern about JOMO is how it might affect one’s relationships, especially in workplaces, families or social circles.
Ms Seow acknowledged that becoming more selective about her time has led to a smaller social circle and fewer networking opportunities. “But I’m happier because I value quality over quantity now,” she said.
While Mr Tay feels guilt at times for turning down invitations or cancelling on plans, he has made peace with it. “One can always try to make new plans as long as both parties want to commit to it,” he said.
Mr Heng, too, has missed out on both personal and professional opportunities due to JOMO. However, he considers it to be a “fair exchange in value” to be able to have more in-person interactions with old friends and extra time to volunteer.
To maintain healthy connections while practising JOMO, Ms Mundae said clarity and context are key when saying no.
“It’s important to share a context for excusing yourself from commitments and how that time allows you to be more effective and available for others when they need it,” she said.
Dr Kang added that boundaries are easier to assert when they are framed around capacity, priorities or effectiveness and when calm, neutral language is used.
In work settings, this would sound something like: “To do this well, I’ll need…”
In family or social contexts, grounding boundaries in care and sustainability can be helpful, by using phrases such as: “I want to be present, and I also need…”.
To ensure JOMO remains restorative rather than avoidant, Dr Kang suggested checking in regularly with oneself with these three questions:
- Am I choosing this because it aligns with my values, or because I’m trying to escape discomfort?
- Do I feel grounded and nourished, or more anxious and withdrawn afterwards?
- Is this choice expanding my life or shrinking it over time?
Ms Mundae also advised consistently creating authentic spaces and relationships that fill one’s cup, such as spending time with people one feels safe being around, engaging in communities that offer mutual support and nurturing connections that allow for rest rather than performance.
