This morning I was reading a book outside my favorite beachside coffee shop when an 18-year-old kid sat down next to me and said, “That’s a great read, ain’t it?” So we started chatting.
He told me he graduated from high school earlier this summer and starts his college career in a few weeks. “But I really have no idea what I want to do with my life yet,” he said. “Right now I’m just going with the flow.”
And then, with eager eyes, he began asking me one question after the next:
- “What do you do for a living?”
- “When and how did you decide what to do?”
- “What do you wish you had done differently?”
- etc.
I answered his questions as best as I could, and tried to give decent advice with the time I had. And after a half-hour conversation, he thanked me and we parted ways.
But on the walk home I realized the conversation I had with that 18-year-old was actually quite nostalgic. He reminded me of me when I was his age, over 25 years ago. I had so many questions back then. So I started thinking about his questions again, and I began imagining all of the little things I wish someone had said to me when I was 18. Then I took it a step further and thought about all the things I would love to say to myself if I could travel back in time to give my 18-year-old self some good advice about life…
After a couple more cups of coffee and a few hours of deliberation, here are 18 things I wish someone said to me when I was 18:
1. Get comfortable with making lots of mistakes when you’re young.
Mistakes teach you important lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing absolutely nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate for too long — don’t doubt yourself. Remember, if you never act you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.
In life it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it. And no matter how it turns out, it almost always ends up just the way it needs to be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
2. Don’t worry too much about what other people think.
For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter that much. When I was 18 I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And at times they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, over 25 years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life.
Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t that important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
3. Find work you appreciate doing.
If I could offer my 18-year-old self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice solely on other people’s ideas, goals, and recommendations. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one core point: Finding work you appreciate doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success in your own way. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 40 years?” So if you catch yourself working long hours and appreciating every minute of it (or at least seeing the value in your efforts), don’t stop. You’re on to something!
4. Engage with lots of people in college and early on in your career.
Bosses. Colleagues. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Other students outside of your major or social circle. Teaching assistants. Career advisors. College deans. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Professional networking. I have worked for three employers since I graduated from college (I eventually left all three employers by choice on good terms, and started my own business), but I only interviewed with the very first employer. The other two employers offered me a job before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of a hiring manager (someone I had networked with over the years).
When employers look to fill a position, the first thing they do is ask the people they know and trust if they know someone who would do well in the position. If you start building your professional network early, you’ll be set. Over time you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball.
5. Invest a little time, energy, and money in yourself every day (even after college).
When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge and experience, the more control you have over your life.
6. Explore new ideas and opportunities often.
Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things. But you must rise above these fears, for your life’s story is simply the culmination of many small, unique, and sometimes confusing experiences. The more experiences you have, the more new chapters get written, and the more interesting your story gets. So seek as many new life experiences as possible when you’re young, and be sure to share them with the people you care about. Not doing so is missing out.
7. When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less.
Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt. But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt? Probably not to most people. Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal. Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in a hundred difference directions. So narrow your focus on learning the intricacies of a specific career or business niche, and then truly master it.
8. People are not mind readers — you have to tell them what you’re thinking.
People will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, she doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told her yet. That cute guy (or girl) you haven’t talked to yet because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it — he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either. In real life you have to communicate with others. And oftentimes you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking if you’re looking to make progress with them.
9. Build your confidence by taking action.
When we’re young we tend to waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does of course, because paths are made by walking, not waiting. Now is always the time! And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence.
Remember that you can’t change anything or make any sort of progress in life by sitting back and thinking about it. There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge is basically useless without consistent action.
10. Accept and embrace change.
However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change, and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will likely be worth it in some way. And realize too that the most powerful and practical changes happen when you decide to take control of what you do have power over, instead of constantly craving control over what you don’t.
11. Be sincere.
How do you build credibility at a young age? It’s not rocket science. Be honest. Follow through. Honor your word. Say sorry. Listen. Be kind and present. Living a daily life of sincerity creates long-term peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless later in life. Period.
12. Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes a day.
Use this time to reflect, dream, decompress, and center yourself. Creative and effective thinking flourish in solitude and silence. With quiet space, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, and you can focus on mapping out what’s worth your time and energy, and what isn’t.
Truth be told, most of your stress on an average day will come from the way you respond, not the way life actually is. Adjust your inner response and all that extra stress is gone. Inner calmness among chaos is a superpower that frees you to focus more effectively on the few things that actually matter. But this takes practice to get there. So create some quiet space for yourself every day, and practice.
13. Ask lots of questions.
The greatest adventure is the ability to inquire, to ask questions, and to navigate the data that surfaces. And oftentimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers themselves. Because many of life’s answers change and evolve in time. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and wisdom inside yourself. These answers — and perhaps more importantly, the details you gather alongside them — will never surface if you never ask the right questions. Thus, the simple act of asking the right questions on a daily basis is the answer.
14. Exploit the resources you DO have access to.
The average person is usually astonished when they see a person with a significant physical handicap show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a limited physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder, for example, couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it. Think about how this relates to your life and your limitations, and how you can exploit the resources you do have access to, so you can overcome your limitations.
15. Live below your means.
Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking true wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.
16. Be respectful of others and make them feel good.
In life and business, it’s not so much what you say and do that counts, it’s how you make people feel. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandmother and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give.
17. Excel at doing hard things.
You have to do hard things to be happy in life. The things no one else is doing. The things that frighten you. The things others can’t do for you. The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.
Why?
Because those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living — between knowing the path and walking the path — between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and happiness.
Of course, the hard things are often the easiest things to avoid. To procrastinate. To make excuses. To pretend like they somehow don’t apply to you and your life situation.
But reality always rears its head in the end. And the truth about how ordinary people achieve
immense happiness through incredible feats of progress is that they step out of their comfort zones and do the hard things that their more educated, affluent, and qualified counterparts don’t have the courage, drive or determination to do.
So for your own sake, start doing the hard things today. I guarantee you will be blown away at just how remarkable you really are and just how amazing life can be.
18. Above all, live passionately.
The key thing to realize is that almost any activity can move you if you let it. You don’t need some massive, life-engulfing passion to suddenly appear in your life. Because real passion comes from within, and the source of passion in your life may be as simple as having a job to do — a job that feeds your family, for example — and feeling really good about doing it right.
Of course, many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because, again, passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. And if you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the things you’re working on, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today, and experience more joy and meaning in your life in the long run, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you work on. Think about it:
- When was the last time you sat down to work on something, with zero distractions and 100% focus?
- When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried — TRULY tried — to do your very best with what’s in front of you?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a half-hearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But what you need to do is the exact opposite!
In closing…
Regardless of your age I hope you found some value in the reminders above. And if you are 18 right now, just do your best. Life is a journey Above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change as everything evolves. Life is short, yet amazing… Enjoy the ride!
And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
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Photo by: Taylor McBride
