A person with self-awareness can understand themselves on a deeper level, focusing on their thoughts and emotions, and how others perceive them. Self-awareness is a core component of being a human being who thrives in life. Unfortunately, some people have zero mental & emotional self-awareness and usually give themselves away through a few phrases they casually say that expose their inability to reflect on their actions.
While most people haven’t reached full maturity, those who lack self-awareness tend to blame, deflect, and do everything in their power to avoid taking responsibility for what they do and say. It’s not only childish, but also shows just how important it is to be self-aware and grow as a person.
People with zero self-awareness usually say these phrases casually:
1. ‘I’m not being defensive’
Anatoliy Karlyuk / Shutterstock
During an argument, some people react instead of respond. Perhaps they are arguing with a romantic partner, in which their flaws are mentioned, or they are falsely accused of making a mistake. Either way, they become defensive to protect their ego. But the key difference between self-aware people and those with zero self-awareness often boils down to whether they’re able to admit to their behavior. And doing so has been shown to include very specific benefits.
According to research from the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, higher emotional self-awareness is linked to better overall health. A more recent study from the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry found that self-awareness helps prevent stress, trauma, depression, and even anxiety. So, not only is self-awareness beneficial for a person’s mental health, but their physical health as well.
To be less defensive during an intense conversation, marriage and family therapist John Kim explained that it’s important to pay attention to physical reactions. If someone is feeling tense or as if their heart is beating out of their chest, this points to defensiveness. Next, that person should take a calming deep breath and then reflect on why they’re feeling defensive. Is it a trigger, or do they feel invalidated? Kim also suggests going to therapy to correct these defensive behaviors.
2. ‘Trust me, I know myself better than anybody else does’
insta_photos / Shutterstock
While it may be true that someone knows themselves better than anyone, everyone has biases that cause them to not view themselves in the most accurate light. So, one casual phrase people use when they have zero self-awareness is “Trust me, I know myself better than anybody else does.”
According to organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich, although 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only an estimated 10-15% of people are actually self-aware. Because of this, it’s unsurprising that many people know very little about who they are. So, how can people know themselves on a deeper level? Well-being expert Tchiki Davis, PhD, suggests that if people want to know more about themselves, they should make a list of their values, goals, needs, desires, or beliefs, which will help people get to the core of who they are.
That said, there are certain things that they’ll never know about their true nature. After all, it’s hard to know all their flaws or what they need to work on, and, as a result, it’s best to ask close friends, family, or a therapist for advice on how you could improve.
3. ‘I’m perfect just the way I am’
Ground Picture / Shutterstock
Everybody is born with a purpose in this world and has inherent value. But that doesn’t mean people don’t come with flaws of their own; after all, nobody is perfect; perfection doesn’t exist. When someone has zero self-awareness, they may use this phrase as a way to protect themselves.
Of course, they can think their sense of humor, body, or how they treat others is perfect; however, that doesn’t change the fact that, as human beings, we must constantly grow and develop in our day-to-day lives. And according to a study published in New Ideas in Psychology, growth leads to better mental & emotional well-being in myriad areas of life. Even so, growing as a person isn’t easy and often requires behavioral changes, even if those changes are uncomfortable. But remember: Growth often stems from discomfort.
4. ‘It’s not my fault’
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock
People with zero self-awareness who don’t want to reflect on their actions will find ways to deflect. These types of folks swear up and down that they’re not to blame for whatever went wrong in a situation. Unfortunately, this type of immature behavior leads to dangerous consequences: It can stunt people’s growth or cause their relationships to deteriorate. Meanwhile, taking accountability will only benefit people in the end, and it’s a lesson that people with no self-awareness have a difficult time learning.
5. ‘It doesn’t matter what other people think of me’
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock
When someone has zero self-awareness, they may express that they don’t care what others think of them. And while there’s no use getting worked up over people who want to bring you down, there are some instances where people should care what others think. Whether it’s going on a first date or going on a job interview, first impressions matter. And as a study from the European Journal of Social Psychology points out, it can be difficult to reverse a bad first impression. Like it or not, these impressions can either close doors or open them.Â
6. ‘I’m just being honest’
fizkes / Shutterstock
There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of honesty, but when someone with zero self-awareness says this casual phrase, they are doing so to escape the consequences of their words. There’s a difference between being honest and being cruel, and people who lack self-awareness don’t know how to balance the two. Many people will use the excuse of “just being honest” to be cruel to those who annoy them or make them angry. But what they think is true is, at its core, their own biases.
According to psychotherapist Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., people like this are “not telling the truth because it’s not possible to speak about someone else’s truth; only your own. What they are doing is simply speaking aloud some of the critical judgments they hold about the person they are speaking to. The only real truth we can tell is the truth about our own experience.”
This “just being honest” phrasing begins to feel manipulative as they actively try to convince those around them that there’s nothing wrong with speaking the truth, even though it’s often presented unkindly and without tact. Instead, Weiss recommends that self-aware people say something like, “This is my truth,” so they aren’t unintentionally speaking for others.
7. ‘I don’t need anybody’s help’
insta_photos / Shutterstock
It’s a good thing to be independent in life, but there is such a thing as being too independent; remember: there’s nothing wrong with needing to lean on someone when times get tough. Maybe it’s a rent increase, struggling to pay for groceries, or depending on a neighbor for a favor; we all need help at one point or another. Unfortunately, people with zero self-awareness don’t quite understand this concept and use the phrase “I don’t need anybody’s help.”
According to a study from the Korean Journal of Family Medicine, having a support system is crucial for people’s well-being, as having a good social support system leads to an increase in happiness. But many people don’t have a great support system and, as a result of trauma, they find it increasingly hard to open up and trust others.
8. ‘People always misunderstand me’
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
“People always misunderstand me” is a casual phrase people use when they have zero self-awareness. While people won’t necessarily understand others completely, especially if they’re just an acquaintance, it’s critical to be open to new ideas and perspectives.
As it turns out, people can likely understand others better than they understand themselves, and it all has to do with people’s biological need to connect. According to UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman in his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, people’s need to connect is just as great as their need for water, food, and shelter. So, other people won’t misunderstand or shut someone out just for the fun of it; rather, if they truly care for someone, they’ll find ways to try to understand them, or at the least, meet them halfway.
9. ‘I’m different from other people’
piksekstock / Shutterstock
Everyone is different, whether it’s their personality, interests, lifestyle, whatever. We are all unique in some way; however, there are biological behaviors that make us more similar than different, and according to a study published in the journal Science, human behavior is 93% predictable.
People who claim they’re much different from others often have zero self-awareness, are elitist, or purposely deny who they are and what they’re capable of. To become more self-aware, people should acknowledge that they aren’t immune to human nature. They are flawed and reactive, just like everybody else. Once they’re able to acknowledge these similarities, only then can they become more self-aware of their actions and how their behavior affects others.
10. ‘They’re just jealous of me’
fizkes / Shutterstock
When someone with zero self-awareness says others are just jealous of them, it’s probably not true. Jealousy is an emotion everyone feels at some point, whether it’s aimed at a friend, a co-worker, or even a stranger. Jealousy is simply part of the human experience, as professor of philosophy Berit Brogaard says, one that is “an inherited response that once increased our chances of survival.”
At our most petty, it’s common to hear people say that others “hate them” because of their looks. But that’s pretty shallow thinking: Most people won’t simply hate someone or be jealous of them because of their good looks. Instead, they don’t think the best of others simply because they haven’t yet shown that they’re an upstanding person.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
Related Stories From YourTango:
