You might think people who are emotionally unaware as being blissfully ignorant. After all, they ignore uncomfortable feelings. That must be nice!
But research shows they actually have a much lower sense of well-being and happiness. Oddly, these people often have high levels of unearned confidence. That’s why it seems like they’re always saying things they think seem smart but are actually totally ignorant.
Here are 8 phrases surprisingly confident people with no emotional awareness say often:
1. ‘You don’t need to understand, it’s fine’
PeopleImages | Shutterstock.com
Many people who have high levels of confidence overestimate their abilities. They’re charming and convincing in the moment, but never fail to disappoint the people they’ve made lofty commitments and promises to. They also often lack the humility to recognize that they don’t know everything about everything, which is a frustrating trait to be around.
Steamrolling over people in conversations with useless, overconfident phrases like this doesn’t help their cause. They need to prove how right they are all the time, so much so that their social skills and ability to read the room become almost nonexistent.
2. ‘You don’t have to be so boring, geeze’
Fearlessness comes much easier when you have a deep disconnection from your own emotions. The confidence might be there on the outside, but internally, there’s no self-awareness at all. Just bluster.
Overconfident people are risk-takers and are often annoyed by people who aren’t. Instead of understanding everyone is wired differently, they call the other person boring in order to shame them into joining in. This isn’t just rude and unkind, it’s proof their confidence is built on a shaky foundation. After all, if you know who you are and are confident in that, you don’t need to shame other people into doing what you do.
3. ‘You always bring the mood down’
People who are terrified of vulnerability often shame other people who want to talk about anything even remotely personal or serious (unless it’s a brag, of course). Instead of showing empathy or relating with a vulnerable story of their own, they scold the person or make a joke that’s sort of mean underneath. Maybe they say “here goes the vibe-killer again!” and then say “Just kidding!” when people look sideways in response.
They rarely know how they feel deep down, so they use chronic busyness and validation as distractions. It’s a defense mechanism, so they don’t have to try to understand how they’re feeling. At first people might think they’re just fun people or shallow, but soon enough they discover these people are actually unhealthy and unkind, deep down.
4. ‘Why do you always attack me like this?’
When someone’s sense of self is only reaffirmed by what everyone else thinks of them, they’re wildly sensitive in the face of constructive criticism. Many can’t even handle an everyday disagreement, because if someone’s not fawning over them, they feel uncertain and unsafe.
To them, typical feedback at work or a partner asking for something different in a relationship feels like a personal attack, because they need to be in good graces all the time to feel secure. They might be confident when everyone celebrates them, but the second someone changes their tune, they’re back on the defensive with questions like this.
5. ‘I’m not wrong, you just don’t get it’
Anatoliy Cherkas | Shutterstock.com
You have to have emotional intelligence to have difficult, productive conversations with someone who disagrees with you. Whether it’s talking politics with your cousin or making a plan of action with a colleague, people who have zero emotional awareness will patronize and insult someone instead of recognize they might be wrong or simply have a different perspective.
Even when they’re entirely wrong and clearly ignorant, these kinds of phrases are what they resort to. Many even truly believe that they’re right, because that’s all their emotional foundation can handle.
6. ‘That’s how I feel, and I’m not going to change my mind’
Why slow down enough to pause before reacting if you don’t have the emotional awareness to guide you? That’s why the emotionally immature people in your life are also often the most reactive and impulsive ones. They have no sense of stability or groundedness to tap into when they’re feeling overwhelmed, so they say things others find profoundly off-putting.
They internalize and externalize all their stressors, because there’s no inner security to guide them. They have so little practice reflecting and making reasonable decisions, they just entrench.
7. ‘What’d I do this time?’
Emotional awareness allows people to notice and pick up on the nonverbal cues and energy of the people around them. It also means recognizing that you aren’t perfect and being aware of how your own tone and body language conveys a strong message.
Someone rolling their eyes says a lot about how they feel about the person they’re talking to. Emotionally aware people notice this body language and adjust accordingly. But not these people, they just lean into it.
8. ‘Just get over it at this point’
Media_photos | Shutterstock.com
The most disconnected and emotionally immature people tend to be too self-involved to notice anyone else’s experience. They interrupt verbally or with their body language and use phrases like “just get over it” when someone clearly needs a safe space. They choose their own comfort above showing up for others.
The worst part is that they have no problem using harsh, cruel phrases like this without flinching. It’d be gaslighting if they had the dark side of emotional intelligence on their side, but it’s truly just their immaturity and personal discomfort with themselves talking.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
Related Stories From YourTango:
