You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons. Take them and make the best of things.
It happens to all of us gradually as we live and grow. We discover more about who we are and the way life is, and then we realize there are some changes we need to make. The lifestyle we’ve been living no longer fits. The environments and routines we once found comfort in no longer exist, or no longer serve our best interests. So we cherish all the great memories, but find ourselves at a crossroads in life, moving forward.
If you’re at that point now — at a crossroads of growth and change in your life — the reminders below are for you. I hope you will reference them in the days ahead, to remind yourself not fall back into your old habits and patterns of living simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. To remember that you’re leaving certain habits and routines behind for a reason — to improve your life, because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And to reclaim your full potential in this next chapter of your life…
- Say “goodbye” so you can say “hello.” – Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. When people and circumstances close their doors on you, it’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different and something more. Life is simply making room. So embrace your goodbyes, because every “goodbye” you receive in life sets you up for an important “hello.”
- Be willing to start over, again and again. – No one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. Think about how this relates to your life. Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past mistakes and regrets, and get you back on track in the year ahead. These words are: “From now on…”
- Challenge your understandings and certainties. – Warren Buffett once said, “What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.” This is a tragedy, this kind of thinking. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t just look for data that confirms what you already know. Be willing to be wrong. Be willing to learn. Be mindful, humble, and teachable every step of the way. There’s always room for a new idea, a new perspective, and a new beginning. Life changes every second, and so can you. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understandings of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic on the road ahead.
- Track how you invest your energy and make effective shifts. – To attract better outcomes in life, you have to become better on the inside. Again, you can’t do the same things and expect change. You can’t blame someone else either. So take full responsibility for the next step. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Your life is 90% your choice! Seriously, don’t settle! Don’t exchange what you want most for what’s easiest at the moment. Study your habits and routines closely. Figure out where your time goes, and remove needless distractions. It’s time to focus on what really matters.
- Build up your confidence through progress, one day at a time. – Remind yourself every morning: It’s not too late. You aren’t behind. You’re where you need to be. Every day and step is necessary. Don’t judge yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Give yourself credit, and then take the next step. The present moment is always the beginning of anything you want. And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence and ultimately moves your life forward.
- Work diligently and consistently on meaningful goals. – About a decade ago when the Guardian asked a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware, about the top five regrets of the dying, one of the most common regrets she noticed was that people regretted not being true to their goals. In fact, she said that most of the people she cared for admitted to not honoring even half of the goals that were meaningful to them, and so they ended up dying with regrets. Let this be your wake-up call! Good health brings a level of freedom and opportunity very few of us realize until we no longer have it. As they say, there are seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them.
- Do the hard things. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easier. There are rarely shortcuts to any place worth going. Enjoy the challenge of your achievements. See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself. And realize that patience is not just about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your important goals. It’s knowing deep down that doing the hard things is worth it. Why? Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living — between knowing the path and walking the path — between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.
- Allow yourself to be imperfectly human. – You can disappoint people and still be good enough. You can fail and still be smart, talented and capable of success. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love and admiration. We all make mistakes sometimes. Take a deep breath. It’s OK to be human.
- Study your mistakes closely and learn from them. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to the places you want to go next. Again, don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the heartbreak aside by refocusing your energy on the present step. Remember that life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place.
- Choose a positive and effective response. – Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with you. If you want life to feel happier on the road ahead, you need to be mindful of your present response every step of the way. It’s how you deal with stress in each little moment that determines how well you feel on the average day.
- Directly confront the thoughts that worry you. – A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by how you respond to them. Whenever our coaching clients come to us feeling down about a life situation they can’t control, we typically start by reinforcing the truth: sometimes changing your situation isn’t possible — or simply not possible soon enough. But you CAN always choose a mindset that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control at any given moment. Here’s a powerful question that will support you with extra perspective when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see right now, if you removed the thought that’s worrying you?
- Choose yourself, every day. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a top priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become a bigger part of your own support system. Love yourself first and foremost every day, instead of simply loving the idea of other people loving you. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you — choose yourself! And remember that once your needs are met, you will be better equipped and capable of meeting the needs of those few people who matter most to you. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love chapter of our NY Times bestselling book, “Getting Back to Happy”.)
- Walk away from the drama. – Say less when less means more. Sometimes, you are as wise as the silence you leave behind, because sometimes the right words aren’t words. Deep down you know this is true. Live accordingly. And do your best not to judge other people, for you do not know their pain or sorrows. If you cannot speak a kind word, say nothing at all. And if they cannot speak a kind word, say nothing at all. Enjoy the inner glow you get from letting go and not engaging in needless drama. When you no longer waste your energy worrying about things that don’t evolve you, things change for the better — you stop doing the wrong things, and the right things suddenly have a better chance to catch up with you.
- Say “no” when you need to. – Saying “yes” to everything puts you on the fast track to a regretful existence. Feeling like you’re constantly busy and overwhelmed is typically the result of saying “yes” to too often. We all have obligations, but a healthy, effective pace can only be found by properly managing your yeses. So stop saying “yes” when you want to say “no.” You can’t always be agreeable; that’s how people and situations take advantage of you. Sometimes you have to set clear boundaries.
- Keep your distance from toxic relationships. – One of the absolute hardest parts of loving someone: you have to give things up because of them. And sometimes you even have to give them up. Of course, it’s difficult to distance yourself from someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process. Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these “what ifs” — these “maybes” about the future. But that’s just the thing, there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these fantasies. The reality of this person’s consistent actions has disproven them. When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and distance yourself. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Relationships chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
- Forgive the people who don’t necessarily deserve it. – Distance yourself, but don’t forget them — forgive them. Forgetting about the people who hurt you is your gift to them; forgiving the people who hurt you is your gift to yourself. Let this sink in. You need to forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness at the moment, but because you deserve peace of mind going forward. And also keep in mind that some relationships will temporarily split, only to heal and grow back together over time. Forgiveness alone makes this possible, if it’s meant to be. But don’t rush the process. Just keep moving forward, with a growth mindset.
It’s your turn…
I sincerely hope you will have an inspired rest of your day today, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because Marc and I both think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions at this crossroads in life, and that you will do your best to be extra kind to yourself and others.
And before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
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