Emotions represent the most present, pressing, and sometimes painful force in our lives. We are guided by both our positive and negative emotions every day. We assume risks because we’re excited thinking about new prospects. We cry because we’ve been hurt, and we make sacrifices because we love.
Undoubtedly, our emotions rule our thoughts, intentions, and actions with superior authority over our rational minds. But when we react too quickly according to our emotions, we often make impulsive decisions that we might regret later.
The agility of our impulse control mechanisms and our ability to handle emotions like anger affect how we are perceived by the people around us. For example, if we are laughing or even smiling during a serious meeting, we’re likely to get resentful looks from the others present in the room.
Just like many other things in our lives, emotions must be perceived with a sense of moderation and logical perspective. Negative emotions, like rage, envy, or bitterness, tend to get out of control, especially immediately after they’ve been triggered.
After a while, they can grow very fast, slowly conditioning the mind to function on detrimental feelings and leaving us with a short temper. Shortly after that, they will dominate our daily lives. Are you wondering how to control your emotions and avoid overreacting under all kinds of circumstances? Therapists often recommend something surprisingly simple: the 5-minute rule.
Here is the 5-minute rule therapists use when emotions start to spiral:
1. Don’t react right away
Reacting immediately to emotional triggers can be a huge error. You’ll certainly say or do something you’ll definitely deplore later. Try to take a deep breath and steady the hysterical impulse. Keep on breathing deeply for a couple of minutes until you feel how your muscles relax and your heart rate comes back to normal. As you become calmer, try to realize that this situation is only temporary.
Neuroscientist Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of the “amygdala hijack,” which is basically what happens when your emotional brain fires off a reaction before your rational mind even has a chance to weigh in. Pausing for just six seconds is enough to let your prefrontal cortex catch up, your heart rate start to settle, and your ability to think clearly come back online.
2. Replace your thoughts
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Negative emotions make negative thoughts reappear. Whenever you have to face an emotion that is making you feel or think something bad, throw it out of your mind and supply it with a different thought.
You can think about someone who makes you happy or remember an event or situation that made you smile. If we allow our emotions to dictate the way we live our lives, this can lead to anxiety and depression. It may even hurt our health and our relationships.
Psychotherapist Joan E. Childs agrees that unchecked negative thinking becomes a self-reinforcing cycle, explaining, “Negative thoughts can drive us to depression, anxiety, and misery. They can and do become a source of stress, weighing us down with despair, self-doubt, and chronic fatigue, while depleting our self-esteem.”
3. Find a healthy escape
Once your emotion is handled, you’ll need to release it healthily. Emotions should never be suppressed. You should call somebody or go see someone you trust and tell them what happened.
Hearing a different opinion from yours develops your awareness. For example, you can discover your authentic self and learn how to control your emotions through writing. You can conceive your own “Happy Book” and fill it with thrilling and peaceful memories.
You can write down inspirational quotes next to photos from different happy moments you had in the past. This activity will help free your being from any repressed sentiments and is a great anger management technique.
Researchers at the University of Texas have spent over 30 years studying what happens when people put their feelings into words on paper, and the results keep backing up the same thing. Expressive writing has been shown to reduce anxiety, strengthen immune function, and help people process everything from job loss to trauma.
4. Be aware of and forgiving of your emotional triggers
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Your emotional triggers may be your best friend or even your family members. Try to avoid toxic people, even if you love them. It is so difficult to control our emotions when we spend time with people who push our buttons in the wrong way.
Try to forgive them! When you excuse someone, you detach. You disconnect yourself from the resentment, the jealousy, the envy, or rage within you.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline explains that, “Forgiveness is a purposeful decision to let go of feelings of resentment, blame, or revenge towards someone who has hurt or harmed you, whether or not you think they deserve it. It does not condone what they did but rather frees you from the pain of holding onto your anger and criticism.”
5. Look at the larger picture
Every event in our lives, either good or bad, is part of a higher purpose. Wisdom is what you need now/ You must be able to analyze the past and pull out the meaning of any given situation. You might not understand it from the very beginning, but, after a while, you will be able to see the larger picture.
And, you will then realize that there exists an ultimate purpose in everything we do. Self-control isn’t as difficult to achieve as we think. Emotions can either rule our lives, or we can control them.
The habit of stepping back and reframing a tough situation is referred to as cognitive reappraisal. A study found that people who regularly use this strategy experience more positive emotions and fewer negative ones, report less depression, and maintain more supportive relationships than those who default to suppressing or ignoring how they feel.
Worrying about everything and losing your temper leads to a very unhappy life. They will eventually cause you more stress and be damaging to your health. In the end, all the efforts you will make to control your negative emotions will actually teach you that it’s up to you to decide if you feel good or not.
Unwritten publishes content on relationships, love, mental health, wellness, and more.
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