Life enlightens you gradually as you age. You realize how much nonsense you have wasted time and energy on. And you begin to understand what it means to let go.
Have you ever met Debbie Downer, Negative Nick or Pessimistic Pat? These people can be so entrenched in the bad that there isn’t any room left for good things to grow. They inhabit our families and social circles. It can be emotionally draining just being around them, and you must be careful because their attitudes are contagious. Negativity perpetuates itself, breeds dissatisfaction and clutters the mind. And when the mind is cluttered with negativity, peace and happiness are much harder to come by.
So here are 10 essential ways to defend yourself against negativity:
1. Don’t take other people’s negativity personally.
Most negative people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with. What they say and do is mostly a projection of their own reality and their own attitude. Even when a situation seems personal, even if someone insults you directly, it oftentimes has less to do with you than it seems. So remind yourself as often as you must, the ability to not overreact, or take things too personally, keeps your mind clear, your heart at peace, and you fully composed in otherwise uncontrollable situations and circumstances. Calmness truly is a human superpower.
2. Spend more time with positive people.
You are the average of the people you spend the most time with. In other words, who you spend your time with has a great impact on the person you eventually become. If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, you will become more cynical and negative. Does who you are and who you want to be reflect in the company you keep? Start spending time with nice people who are smart, driven, and open-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you — people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.
3. Be the positivity you want to see in the world.
Lead by example. You can’t always save the world, but you can make the world a better place by practicing what you preach — by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and upholding a positive environment. Doing simple things like talking about little daily successes, good friendships, hobbies, and generally happy news, make for light conversations with negative people. Keep the conversations focused on optimistic areas the person can relate to. You can disarm their negativity, even if it’s just for a little while.
4. Change the way you respond.
The one thing nobody can take away from you is the way you choose to respond to what others say and do. The problem isn’t the events that are negative. The problem is often the way you react to those events. So remember that the last of your freedoms is to choose your attitude in any given circumstance. Complaining, blaming and criticizing aren’t going to change the situation. It’s not always easy to find peace within ourselves, but it’s always impossible to find it elsewhere. Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice. And you can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude. When negativity controls your thoughts, it limits your behavior, actions, and opportunities. If you realized how powerful your thoughts were, you would probably try to never think another negative thought again. (Read “Learned Optimism”.)
5. Focus on solutions.
Negative people have an endless supply of pity party invitations. Don’t RSVP. Oftentimes people use negativity as a barrier to protect themselves from the world, which in turn blocks them from solutions that could improve their life. So instead, identify solutions. Don’t dwell too much on what went wrong — focus on the next positive step. Spend your energy on moving forward toward a positive resolution. Truly, when you focus on solutions, by thinking and acting positively, sound becomes music, movement becomes dance, a smile becomes laughter, and life becomes more of a celebration.
6. Love whoever is around to be loved.
Practice acts of kindness. It’s a lot harder to be negative when you’re in the presence of love and kindness. Be that presence whenever possible. Let your guard down. Talk to someone you don’t know straight from your heart. Compliment them if it’s warranted. Don’t anticipate awkwardness. Just be you in that beautiful way only you know, and give them the chance to smile and connect with you. Sometimes a kind word and some attention from a new friend is all that’s needed to turn a negative attitude around.
7. Provide support when it makes sense.
Some people complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though, so their comments come across as negative complaints rather than requests. Show some concern. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can work wonders. Resist the urge to judge or assume. It’s hard to offer compassion when you assume you have them figured out. So just let them know they are not alone. People often overcome the forces of negative emotions, like anger and hatred, when the counter-forces of love and support are in full effect.
8. Realize that life is a series of ups and downs.
Acknowledge the negativity, accept it, and then take a deep breath and let it pass through your consciousness, thereby teaching you a lesson but not ruining your day. Life is full of highs and lows, but you don’t have to go up and down with them. We develop from the negatives when we accept them and learn from them. This cycle is all part of the human experience. So relax, let go a little, and enjoy the ride. (Read “Stumbling on Happiness”.)
9. Focus on your growth.
Too often we carry around things from our past that hurt us — especially anger. But holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be hurt. Realize this. Don’t let negativity from the past rob your present potential. When you look back on your past, do your very best to think of the knowledge and strength you have gained. Appreciate how far you have come. You have been through a lot, but you have grown a lot too. Give yourself credit where credit is due.
10. Let go and move on when you must.
Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. So if all else fails, remove yourself from the wrong situations and relationships. When someone shows you their true colors again and again, it’s best to believe them. Distancing yourself from their bad vibes and negative energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you are unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your boundaries!
Now it’s your turn…
It isn’t easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds you, but remember that you have full control of your attitude. Think of it this way: An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head. I hope you will use the reminders above to make the best of what lies ahead.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this list. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today? What’s one hard thing you do that makes you happier?
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