“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
— Maya Angelou
First and foremost, environment is everything. You can’t heal yourself in the same exact environment where you got sick. You need to surround yourself with settings, situations, and people that push you to heal and grow.
Less drama, less mess.
More peace, more potential.
Which means you need to make yourself a priority. Because you won’t always be a priority to others, or to society’s agendas at large, and that’s why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become a reliable part of your own support system…
Don’t wait on others to choose you.
Choose yourself, today!
Choose to live your life today not as a bystander, not as a prisoner to the old ways that haven’t been working, but as an active participant engaged in the real possibilities in front of you.
That is your choice today. Your choice!
You are choosing right now…
1. Choose to make a little progress.
It really only takes one small step everyday, that over time amounts to enormous progress. And noticing your own progress is one of the greatest keys to feeling good. Yet, so many of us keep wasting our time waiting for some ideal a path to appear, that never appears. Because we somehow forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one small step at a time.
So remind yourself that it takes roughly 66 days on average to form a new habit (small daily steps). Then for the next nine and a half weeks, consciously focus on taking small, positive steps in a certain part of your life, and you will gradually rewire your brain and your circumstances. Truly, you can choose to develop positive daily habits that point you in the direction of the good life you want to live, or negative habits that keep you firmly anchored to your present situation. This is your choice!
And honestly, that’s all a good life is in the end — small, positive steps that you take day by day, and then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile… something that’s often far better, and different, than what you had imagined when you began your journey.
2. Choose to focus on today only.
No matter what’s happening, you can resourcefully fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two mind-bending eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly stressful and complicated. So accept that it’s not the experience of today that holds you back and drives you mad, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring (but probably won’t). It’s necessary, then, to let yourself live just one day at a time — just today — just right here, right now.
Again, progress comes from the process. Trust the journey you’re on today. And remember that true purpose has no time limit. True purpose has no deadline. Don’t stress and overwhelm yourself. Just do what you can right now. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Goals and Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. Choose an attitude that moves you forward.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said it perfectly more than 2,000 years ago: “People are disturbed, not by things (that happen to them), but by the principles and opinions which they form concerning (those) things. When we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles and opinions.”
In other words, a generally happy person is not a someone who’s always in a good situation, but rather someone who always has a pretty good attitude in every situation.
Regardless of what you’re going through, it’s about choosing: Will I allow this to control me? Will I choose to make this bad or good? Will I choose to stay or walk away? Will I choose to react or take the time to mindfully respond? Will I choose to be defeated or learn a lesson for next time?
When our coaching clients and course students come to us feeling down about a life situation they can’t control, we typically start by reinforcing the hard truth: sometimes changing your situation isn’t possible, or simply not possible soon enough. You can’t get to a new job in an instant. You can’t make someone else change against his or her will. And you certainly can’t erase the past. But…
You can always choose an attitude that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the situations you can’t control.
4. Choose to take things less personally.
What most people say and do, and the attitude they carry, rarely has anything to do with you. People’s reactions and behaviors are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people treat you like you’re amazing, or act like you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they are viewing the world at a given moment in time.
As Miguel Ruiz explained in his book “The Four Agreements”, when you do not take anything personally, you liberate yourself. You can open yourself to the world, freely, and not have to worry constantly about the judgments of others. When I realized this truth, and accepted it, I opened my awareness to the fact that not everything, or perhaps not even anything, that anyone else ever does is about me directly.
Now, I’m certainly not suggesting we should completely ignore all the feedback and insight we receive from others. I’m simply saying that a significant percentage of the emotional pain, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes directly from our tendency to take things too personally. In most cases, it’s far more beneficial and healthy to let go of other people’s beliefs and behaviors and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
5. Choose to create healthy space for yourself (away from negativity).
It doesn’t matter if it’s your dad, sister, cousin, friend or coworker that’s spewing negativity at you, if they are bringing you down on a daily basis, you need to spend less time with them. No, this doesn’t mean you have to exile them from your life — it simply means you can choose to carve out time away from them, to reclaim some positivity and sanity. There’s a big difference between accepting that someone’s negative actions or behavior is born from a place of anxiety or insecurity, versus excusing their behavior and therefore enabling it to continue relentlessly in your life.
We don’t have to condone a person’s negative behavior toward us, even though we may be compassionate, loving and understanding of its origins. At some point we all have to be accountable for our own well-being. And quite honestly, if someone decides to lash out at you again and again, you’re not obligated to be a punching bag.
Also, keep in mind that differing opinions are a part of life and relationships. But when we come across people who are intent on delivering harsh criticism from the sidelines, sometimes we just have to tell ourselves that we may not be doing it perfectly in their eyes, but hey, at least we’re stepping up and doing it. At least we’re getting up, showing up, and walking into that darn arena every day to do our best… Which is more than enough!
6. Choose to seek support from the right sources.
If you were craving pizza, would you go to a sushi bar? No! Because you know they don’t serve pizza at a sushi bar. In fact, they wouldn’t even have the right ingredients to make a pizza even if they were willing to customize a special order for you. If you really wanted pizza, you would simply go to an Italian restaurant that serves it, right?
Now think about the people you go to when you’re craving support, reassurance, guidance, healthy feedback, or simply a loving, listening ear. Do you go to people who are consistently able to dish out what you are hungry for? Or do you go to people who don’t have what you need on their menu, and thus find yourself endlessly discouraged and disappointed?
Bottom line: It’s time to align your hunger with where you dine! (Note: Angel and I discuss this in detail in the Relationships chapter of “Getting Back to Happy”.)
7. Choose to be OK with NOT being perfectly OK.
Even though it’s true that life’s challenges make us stronger, and that it will be OK eventually, sometimes NOT feeling OK is all we can register inside our tired brains and aching hearts. This feeling is normal. This emotion is human. And accepting it can feel like a small weight lifted.
The truth is, it’s not OK when someone you care about is no longer living and breathing and giving their amazing gifts to the world. It’s not OK when everything falls apart and you’re buried deep in the wreckage of a life you had not planned for. It’s not OK when the bank account is running low, with no clear sign of a promising income opportunity. It’s not OK when someone you trusted betrays you and breaks your heart. It’s not OK when you’re emotionally drained to the point that you can’t get yourself out of bed in the morning. It’s not OK when you’re engulfed in failure or shame or a grief like you’ve never felt before…
Whatever your tough times consist of, sometimes it’s just NOT OK right now. And again, fully accepting this is often the best initial response. Yes, I’m suggesting to try your hardest to be perfectly OK with not being perfectly OK all the time. Just keep reminding yourself that there’s a time and place for everything, and that every step is necessary in some way. So just do your best today, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. It will happen, and things will change, when it’s time.
Now it’s your turn…
We would love to hear from YOU.
Please leave a comment below and let us know:
Which point above resonates with you the most right now, and why?
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