A large portion of our development depends on how we were raised. When we think back to our childhood, were our parents strict and focused on punishment, or did they nourish us properly? When it comes to the latter, parents who truly care about their children’s best interests do certain things differently than most, and their love and support guide their kids through life.Â
A parent’s actions affect their kids and play a big part in how they see the world, both as children and when they become adults. However, many people were silent bystanders in their journey through childhood and adolescence. They may have had immature parents who taught them to put up walls and distance themselves. But fortunately, the children of these parents had quite the opposite upbringing.
Parents who truly care about their children’s best interests do these 11 things differently than most
1. They allow them to speak openly without fear
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No person develops the ability to speak their mind overnight. For most, speaking openly without fear of judgment begins during childhood. People raised by parents who truly cared about their best interests speak frankly as adults.
If this sounds like you, your parents probably sat you down at a young age to have constructive conversations, during which they used phrases like “It’s okay, I won’t be offended” to ease your mind. They wanted you to develop confidence and find your voice.
As an adult, you’re unafraid to stand up for yourself and others. You don’t back down when someone tries to intimidate you or treat you unfairly. Instead, you speak your mind calmly and respectfully, just like your parents taught you to.
2. They validate their feelings
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Whether it’s trying to help with their frustration or actively listening to their problems, parents who truly care about their children’s best interests do these things differently than most. These parents instilled a mentality that expressing emotions is the key to happiness and health.Â
As such, you feel free to be yourself, and might have even found yourself opening up to your parents and learning the value of honesty. You don’t care how others might take your opinions or emotions because you weren’t raised to be a people-pleaser. Instead, you were taught that all feelings mattered, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
Research published in Developmental Science says this is a good thing, as emotional validation is vital for children’s development and growth. Researchers determined that emotional validation does a better job of soothing children and creates more persistent children in the process. On the flip side, invalidation leads to negative emotions like distress and loneliness due to children being forced to suppress their emotions, which leads to them bottling them up.
3. They encourage individuality
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If you were raised in an emotionally safe environment, you likely grew up feeling comfortable exploring who you were. Because your parents cared deeply about your well-being, they encouraged you to explore yourself and your interests.Â
As a child, your individuality was respected and your parents always encouraged you to dive into activities like creative art or music. This type of encouragement led you to develop a strong sense of self, as you began to learn your likes and dislikes.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, having a deep sense of self will lead to developing meaning in life. This, in turn, creates happiness, as you develop a strong sense of purpose that will carry you through dark times.
4. They teach them how to set and honor boundaries
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Setting healthy boundaries indicates that your parents raised you with your best interests in mind. Growing up, you likely felt the need to assert your boundaries to others. In relationships or friendships, you made it clear what you were and weren’t comfortable with. That has followed you into adulthood.
Because you had respectful and caring parents, you were taught that others should honor those boundaries. Instead of constantly disrespecting your boundaries, your parents instilled in you the idea that healthy limits are necessary for keeping your mental health strong.
5. They take a genuine interest in helping them solve problems
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Having people who took a real interest in helping you solve problems indicates your parents cared deeply about your upbringing. If you came home crying, your parents were the first to ask what was wrong and come up with a solution. The attentiveness they showed helped you trust them, allowing you to develop and strengthen your relationship.
Unfortunately, for many kids growing up, their parents didn’t spend enough time with them and had no interest in helping them navigate the ups and downs of daily life. Data from Pew Research Center found that four in 10 mothers admitted that they spend too little time with their children, while half of fathers said the same.
6. They take accountability for their mistakes
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Parents who truly care about their children’s best interests take accountability for their past mistakes, which is something most parents won’t do. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, and yours surely messed up from time to time. After all, parenting is rife with trial and error.Â
Maybe your parents screamed at you or punished you for small mishaps. But the way they reacted afterward showed their maturity and ability to take accountability for their actions. Being raised in an environment where parents said “I’m sorry” creates adults who are able to take responsibility for their own errors and make things right.Â
7. They never withhold affection
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Being raised in a safe household where affection was encouraged means your parents had your best interests at heart. If your parents were upset with you, they never called you names or said damaging phrases like “I hate you” or “you’re a disappointment.” Instead, they hugged you and reassured you that your mistakes would never change their love for you.
Children need constant reassurance during their developmental stages. They need to know that their mistakes don’t make them less lovable. As one study published in iScience found, hugs from parents have a calming effect on infants, suggesting that the parent-child bond through affection truly is important for development.
As an adult, your parents likely have a similar kind of affection with you, offering hugs and kisses whenever you visit. They don’t punish you by withholding their attention or affection, which has likely carried over into your relationships.
8. They push their children to prioritize self-care
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Most people don’t know how to put themselves first because their parents never taught them how. Because of this, they wear down their mental and physical health if it means getting ahead or becoming successful. Good parents who raised healthy, functioning kids know differently. They taught their children that although success is important, so is mental health.Â
Because you were raised by parents who had your best interests in mind, they encouraged you to take as many breaks as possible in between study sessions or training. To them, your mental well-being was a priority, and likely still is.
In fact, taking short breaks positively impacts well-being by increasing people’s vigor and decreasing fatigue. People who take longer breaks also benefit from performance improvement. Now that you’re an adult, you make it a point to put your self-care first.
9. They set realistic goals and expectations
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Strict, perfectionist parents can end up creating adults who are chronically stressed or have trouble expressing emotions. But by letting setting realistic goals and expectations, parents who truly care about their children’s best interests do these things differently than most.
Your parents understood that you’re not a superhero and had needs of your own. They may have sat down with you and set achievable goals, and asked you to weigh in to determine if the goals were reasonable. If they weren’t, your parents had no issue with finding ways to meet in the middle.
As an adult, you set realistic expectations for yourself. You don’t punish yourself when you can’t finish your accomplishments; rather, you give yourself credit for the things you do achieve.
10. They encourage their kid to be a free-thinker
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Growing up, your parents wanted you to be an independent free-thinker. They may have bought you books or encouraged you to do your own research. They had your best interests at heart, so they wanted you to be firm in your beliefs in the face of adversity.
Rather than raising you to abide by their own personal beliefs, your parents encouraged you to form your own ideas and opinions about how the world works. And today, as an adult, you hold that same mindset that you’re never too old to learn new things about your surroundings.
11. They offer meaningful advice
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Some parents tended to offer their kids unsolicited advice that damaged their relationship as their children grew into adults. Unfortunately, this can also damage adult children.
“It’s hard to ignore advice from loved ones, because we implicitly fear that failure to follow it will signal lack of love or respect. At the same time, we don’t want to follow the advice, because we want to retain our autonomy. In fact, we especially don’t want to follow the advice of a loved one because, each time we do so, it feels like a step toward changing the relationship from one between equals to one of unbalanced power,” research professor Peter Gray pointed out.
Luckily, your parents offered great advice when you were growing up, but only if you asked them or if they felt you were in dire need of it. Today, you may still ask them what they think about a certain situation, and they never force their opinions on you.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
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