5 Calming Ways to De-Escalate Relationship Conflicts

When two (or more) people are together, conflict is bound to rise at some point!

We might have a lot in common or get on well and love each other, but we won’t always agree on everything.

The existence of conflict doesn’t necessarily mean that there is something wrong with the relationship or the people involved. Trying to eliminate conflict entirely is unrealistic and will result in resentment building and, eventually, explosions and outbursts becoming a common occurrence. 

Conflicts in relationships are natural and can arise for various reasons.

What is important is understanding why these conflicts exist and how to best manage them and improve our overall relationships.

This article explores some of the common conflicts you might encounter and how to best navigate and de-escalate them. 

5 Calming Ways to De-Escalate Relationship Conflicts

These are some of the most common areas/causes of conflict within relationships.

1. Communication Conflict.

We all know of someone or have been in a position where we feel like the communication we have with our partner is terrible.

It feels like we’re communicating in two different languages and the other person is just not speaking yours. It seems like they misunderstand or ignore what you have to say.

Poor communication commonly exists because of:

• Different communication styles
• Lack of effective listening
• Differences in interpreting cues 
• Passive aggressiveness 
• Lack of empathy 

Action steps: 

• Actively listen 
• Clarify what you want to communicate 
• Regularly check on each other 
• Create an environment where everyone can communicate how they feel without feeling rushed or judged

2. Power Struggles.

These can exist in relationships if there is a desire for control or dominance within the relationship.

A case where both parties feel like they should be in charge and take the lead might result in a mighty clash of personalities – especially when both want things done differently.

Areas where power struggles normally arise include: 

• Decisions regarding finances
• Household responsibilities
• Parenting methods

Action steps: 

Creating a balance of power by:

• Sharing decision-making responsibilities
• Respecting each other’s viewpoints
• Compromising and finding a balance
• Understanding the reason behind the other person’s choices 

3. Emotional or Intimacy Conflict.

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they want to be loved the way you express love.

And their love for you doesn’t also mean they will instantly know how you want to be loved.

I have seen posts from and met people who complain that they don’t feel loved. And when they go on to explain how their partners act towards them, it looks like they are being loved (to me).

But, if your partner doesn’t feel loved, their feelings are valid and should be accommodated. They should not be treated as ungrateful and ignored just because they want something different from what you are offering. 

Action steps:

4. Financial Conflict.

Financial grounds are one of the most common causes for divorce and breakups.

That goes on to show how often couples disagree on financial issues. Ideally, before committing to someone, you would talk about how you handle finances and ensure that you’re on the same page.

However, as time goes by and we change, our views towards money management might also change and end up conflicting with those of our partner. 

For instance, one person might be of the mentality that we are here now, and we are working, so we should spend. Another might suggest that tomorrow is unpredictable so we should save up. 

Action steps:

• Transparent discussions about financial goals
• Creating joint budgets for long-term plans 
• Separate accounts for your other expenses 
• Respecting individual spending habits 

5. Trust and Jealousy Conflict.

Trust and jealousy might exist in relationships due to various reasons.

Sometimes, our partners don’t do something we expect them to do, and we start doubting them. Or our previous partners weren’t faithful, so we’re overly cautious with our current partner even when they have never given us a reason to doubt them.

Obviously, being with someone who doesn’t trust you is not a nice feeling, so some conflict might arise from that. 

Action steps: 

• Have clear transparency 
• Address insecurities 
• Give reassurance 
• Understand your partner’s past experiences 

How to De-Escalate Relationship Conflicts: Resolution Takes Time!

Each type of conflict can be managed through effective communication, empathy, and compromise.

Awareness of these conflicts can help partners address them before they become larger issues.

While we all want to be in perfect relationships, we need to sometimes take off the rose-tinted glasses and realize that no relationship is perfect and they need all to be worked on.

We are always a work in progress, and learning how to manage our differences effectively takes time. Be willing to unlearn and learn. 

Updated from Oct 15, 2024

Photo by Karolina Grabowska www.kaboompics.com