Caregiver burnout is often framed as a personal issue, a matter of “self-care.” This overlooks the complex realities of culture, identity, and the unequal distribution of emotional labor within families and communities. For many caregivers, especially those from marginalized groups, exhaustion isn’t a sign of personal failure, but a predictable consequence of chronic, unshared responsibility.
Emotional labor encompasses tasks such as soothing, anticipating needs, managing conflict, and absorbing the intensity that can come from others. Research shows this labor is disproportionately carried by women, people of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, and first-generation adults.
Studies on gender and household labor consistently show that women perform significantly more emotional and caregiving work, even when working full-time outside the home (American Psychological Association, 2019). Research on racial disparities in caregiving finds that Black, Latinx, and Asian caregivers often provide more hours of care and experience more financial and emotional strain (AARP & National Alliance for Caregiving, 2020). LGBTQ+ adults are more likely to serve as caregivers for chosen family, often without the same structural support systems (SAGE, 2017). These patterns are shaped by cultural norms, family roles, and systemic pressures, not individual preference or personality.
Why Self-Help Advice Often Falls Short
While the self-help industry can be genuinely supportive, responsibility for problems is generally put on the person rather than the system.
Messages like “just set boundaries” or “practice gratitude” rarely account for:
- Cultural expectations to be self-sacrificing
- Financial or systemic barriers
- Family roles
- Being the “strong one”
- The pressure to appear resilient
Research on burnout shows that several factors, such as workload, role overload, and lack of support, predict burnout far more strongly than individual coping skills (Maslach & Leiter, 2016). So, rather than trying to optimize yourself, remind yourself that you are doing your best and check in for burnout.
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout
Caregiver burnout develops gradually. Common symptoms include:
- Persistent fatigue
- Irritability or emotional numbness
- Feeling responsible for everyone else’s well-being
- Difficulty concentrating
- Resentment toward caregiving tasks
- A sense of being “on call” emotionally at all times
What Caregivers Actually Need
Self-help tools can be helpful, but they don’t replace the support we need to prevent burnout from happening. Shared responsibility, social supports, and community care that is culturally informed help give us permission to rest without guilt and gain or prioritize relationships where emotional labor is mutual. Caregivers need environments that can prioritize their humanity and not just their resilience to perform.
A Grounding Exercise for Caregivers
Here is a brief practice to help you reconnect with yourself when you have been prioritizing everyone else.
This practice is adapted from mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), which has been shown to reduce caregiver stress and improve emotional regulation (Kabat-Zinn, 2013).
1. Pause and Breathe
Take a slow breath in through your nose and exhale deeply through your mouth. Let your shoulders soften and fall backwards. Maybe take a few seconds to roll them out.
2. Name Three Internal Experiences
Quietly identify three things you feel emotionally or physically to yourself as you breathe and roll your shoulders. This helps shift attention back to you and how your brain processes experiences.
3. Place a Hand on Your Chest or Stomach
As you continue to breathe, feel the rise and fall of your body. Let your hand remind you that you have a body with needs and not just responsibilities.
4. Offer Yourself One Supportive Statement
Choose something that feels grounding and true: “I’m allowed to have limits.” “My needs matter too.” “I deserve moments of rest.”
5. Identify One Small Act of Care
A glass of water. A five-minute break. A moment of quiet. One small step is enough.
And when you are done, thank yourself for taking the time to find one minute of mindfulness today.
