How we say something is often as important as what we say. Tone of voice and facial expression matter and sometimes, we inadvertently take away from the true meaning of what we say.
Take for example when we’re feeling a bit stressed and someone asks us a simple question – if we let our mood influence our tone, our response can very easily come across as hostile, even though that’s not our intention.
Similarly, if we speak in a passive tone, people will assume we’re weak or insecure. A passive tone, while not a negative, can in truth, change how people perceive us. There are however, ways to speak in a way that is confident and without too much raw emotion, which can be a valuable asset in interpersonal communication.
For example:
Rather than say “I’m not sure,” say “I’m not completely certain, but…” or, “I need to confirm some things before I can give you a definitive answer…”
Instead of saying “I’m busy,” say “Can we please talk a bit later…” or, “I’m finishing up a few things, so I’ll circle back with you…”
“You’re welcome” is nice, but “My pleasure” is warmer and more personal.
Rather than “No problem,” try “Certainly” or “Anytime!”
Saying “Be quiet” can come across as rude, so try “Let’s lower our voices a bit” or, “I’m going to use my indoor voice…”
Instead of “What do you want?” try “What can I help you with” or, “How may I be of assistance?”
“I messed up” makes it seem like you’re always making a mistake, so perhaps try “That was an oversight on my part” or, “I inadvertently….”
When we tell someone “I’m mad” it can be off-putting, so try “I’m not pleased with…” or, “I’m feeling a bit annoyed.”
Telling someone “It’s boring” can make us sound high maintenance, so “It didn’t really inspire me” or, “It’s not really my taste” might be better.
Saying “I like it” is fine, but a more thought out response is “I thoroughly enjoy/enjoyed it…” or, “It’s very pleasant” or even “It’s lovely.”
The options to word things in a more confident and positive manner are vast. The objective it so me more mindful – to be in the moment and think not just about what we say, but how we say it. In the workplace for example, using slang or hostile language will tell people that we’re less than professional and thus, we won’t be taken seriously. If we choose our words more thoughtfully and temper our tone, people will be more apt to respect us and want to interact with us.
Better and more effective communication also helps with our thoughts, because as we focus on selecting the right way to say something, we’re thinking — we’re mindfully selecting the right words and those words help to re-shape our minds into being more positive.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” — Mahatma Gandhi.
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